Grey

I think one of the most things I miss about living in New York is the weather, but particularly this - In the summer around late August there's a thunderstorm season. Walking around outside right before a coming storm, everything around me is grey. The wind blows like crazy bringing in a rare chill amidst what would otherwise be a stifling humidity. You start to hear the thunder roaring loud and clear as the sky starts to flash violently, and you know that the downpour is coming. Everything is grey, and you are powerless against the wrath of nature. I think it is one of the most amazing feelings in the world.

Love Is

No original content, but I just found this series of illustrations to be so sweet. Have a great day.

Today I had the privilege of interviewing a young man who gets up in the wee hours of the morning everyday, traveling across the border from Tijuana to San Diego to get an education that the rest of his family never got the chance to get and to pursue dreams others couldn't even dare to dream. Who has lived his young life in poverty and still has the strength to keep going. Not for a moment do I believe I am worthy of the power to determine the future of such a bright soul, but I am 100% honored and humbled to be able to help give opportunities to those who truly seek them.

The thing is that if you open your heart and your ears to those individuals around you and allow yourself to listen without judgement, there are many people around you with amazing stories of survival, perseverance, and determination. You never know what a person is going through to be able to even have a fraction of a portion of the life you are able to live. I am lucky and I am grateful for the life that I am able to live.

It seems sometimes that I find what I seek in the places I do not search.

Late night musings

I spilled hot caramel on my hand today. It now stings like hell and I've smothered it with ointment.

Too tired recently. Fought the urge to just sleep, finally gave in after getting back from the Getty Villa before Japanese class. Tomorrow will be good.

Some people make me more impulsive than I would normally be. Sometimes the people who hold power over you are not the ones you expect. Sometimes I open up rabbit holes I don't expect others to jump down, but they do.

This is an amazing article. #Sorrynotsorry about the vulgarity and #sorrynotsorry if you don't like it!

Parting words from a friend

A message left to me today: "Stop doubting yourself, you're much greater than you think. You just havent realized it yet but soon you will see it."

Dear Ty

It's strange how some people walk into your life and then make a whole lot of difference.

I've been told to make a list of things I'm grateful for each day. Today I just want to name one, because he has touched not only my life but countless others and has inspired us to live our lives with an open heart and open mind. Thank you Tyler for the brief light you were able to shine on our world.

R.I.P.

New Year

I don't like holidays that are supposed to be milestones. Landmarks where most of us aren't ready. They put illusions of inadequacy and urgency into our minds.

Trying to find hope these days feels difficult.

I need to let go of the things and people that aren't good for me, or don't care about me.

The line between harmful and helpful acts are so subtle, yet the difference between the consequences is devastating.

Boundaries

People assume too much. Or are they so confident in themselves that they can't see they've crossed a line?

I think that most people choose to believe what they want to believe.

But the moment you've crossed that unforgivable line with me don't be surprised at my aloofness. Do not mistake my kindness for flirtation. I'm not interested in these games and I do not have the patience.

Worry

Been doing an online freestyle dance exchange where I take dance videos of myself and send it to friends in return for their dance freestyle responses. There's always this worried look on my face when I'm dancing these days. I'm still thinking too much. More feeling, more doing, please.

Optimism

A little bit of optimism can go a long way. Instead of focusing on the potential problems, it's always more effective to think about ways to make things successful. Focus on how to make your visions come true, don't dwell on how or why they may not.

I don't want to be like everyone else. So when things I do start becoming mainstream...I lose interest. Even when being like everyone else is rational...it repels me.

I always have to ask "why?" And no, you will never really catch me questioning authority outright. In fact, in most cases, I respect authority. But when it comes to morally questionable actions, I will question you to no end, no matter who you are.

I've realized my identity and how identify is unsettling to people who've stuck by what they have identified with their entire lives - whether that be religion, race, ethnicity, culture. art, etc. I can never truly be one thing, and the moment I start to heavily identify with a culture, I realized I was never truly fully a part of it to begin with, because I am too many other things. And so I float. But I am free.

At the same time I acknowledge that I was born into certain circumstances, and have been heavily influenced by my upbringing and environment. As I have gotten older I've taken things into my own hands. I have created the path I have chosen and I shall continue to forge this path how I see most valuable. My past is of the utmost importance, because it shapes my outlook. But it does not dictate my future.

Had a terrible nightmare last night in which I was disowned by my family.

Which brings up a question to myself - if something were to happen, would I be able to survive on my own?

Sometimes, when I don't feel like going out, socializing, or doing anything, a good cat video really hits the spot.

I was enchanted by Turkey's rich and diverse culture, deep and dynamic history, and most of all, by its beautiful, quirky, hilarious cats.

Patience and hard work. I must work on both.