Worry

Been doing an online freestyle dance exchange where I take dance videos of myself and send it to friends in return for their dance freestyle responses. There's always this worried look on my face when I'm dancing these days. I'm still thinking too much. More feeling, more doing, please.

Optimism

A little bit of optimism can go a long way. Instead of focusing on the potential problems, it's always more effective to think about ways to make things successful. Focus on how to make your visions come true, don't dwell on how or why they may not.

I don't want to be like everyone else. So when things I do start becoming mainstream...I lose interest. Even when being like everyone else is rational...it repels me.

I always have to ask "why?" And no, you will never really catch me questioning authority outright. In fact, in most cases, I respect authority. But when it comes to morally questionable actions, I will question you to no end, no matter who you are.

I've realized my identity and how identify is unsettling to people who've stuck by what they have identified with their entire lives - whether that be religion, race, ethnicity, culture. art, etc. I can never truly be one thing, and the moment I start to heavily identify with a culture, I realized I was never truly fully a part of it to begin with, because I am too many other things. And so I float. But I am free.

At the same time I acknowledge that I was born into certain circumstances, and have been heavily influenced by my upbringing and environment. As I have gotten older I've taken things into my own hands. I have created the path I have chosen and I shall continue to forge this path how I see most valuable. My past is of the utmost importance, because it shapes my outlook. But it does not dictate my future.

Had a terrible nightmare last night in which I was disowned by my family.

Which brings up a question to myself - if something were to happen, would I be able to survive on my own?

Sometimes, when I don't feel like going out, socializing, or doing anything, a good cat video really hits the spot.

I was enchanted by Turkey's rich and diverse culture, deep and dynamic history, and most of all, by its beautiful, quirky, hilarious cats.

Patience and hard work. I must work on both.

Thoughts of the morning:

• I wish to be a more pleasant person to be around
• I hope not to be forgotten by those whom I care for
• I am used to pushing myself but sometimes I wish people would push me harder
• I don't know.